New Name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

image credit: Lel4nd

I’ve been married for 7 months and I still haven’t changed my last name. Part of it (most of it) is laziness – I just haven’t scheduled the time to get it done. But part of it is my own feelings about identity. I am Nailah Blades. I’ve been Nailah Blades for the past 26 years. It’s simply who I am and I cannot begin to imagine being introduced as someone else. And let’s be honest Blades is a pretty kick-ass last name. I used to be pretty firm in my belief that I would never change my name – I told my boyfriend in high school that if we ever got married that he should take my name. But then I got married and felt the need to be connected to my husband through his name as well. And so there lies my conundrum, an identity crisis of sorts. Does changing my name change who I am? Does is cause me to lose my connection to the long line of Blades’ who’ve come before me? If I don’t change it, what does that say about me as a wife and later as a mother? Does it really matter? I’m sure that I’ll land on some sort of compromise – I’ll either hyphenate my name or I’ll use Blades as my middle name. But it doesn’t make the whole thing any less confusing.

So back to the #Reverb10 question. If I could be introduced to strangers by another name for one day it would be as Nailah Wylie – just to try it on for size.

What do you think about changing one’s name after marriage? Absolutely necessary or another choice in a long list of choices?

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Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

I am a fighter. There is very little you can throw at me that I cannot handle. This past year has tested my courage and challenged my convictions. A lot of obstacles were thrown my way. I thought about quitting – a lot. But I kept on and I figured out a way to keep moving forward. I’ve always known that I was a fighter but this year really proved it for me. This was such an incredible realization for me because it showed me that if I trust in my talents and abilities, things will work out. It has showed me that I should devote less energy to worrying about issues or stressing about my situation and more energy to finding solutions.

But aren’t we all fighters deep down inside? Shouldn’t we all be kicking and punching for what we want and need in life? It’s so easy to get passive in life. It’s so much simpler to just ignore your gut and just bow out of the fight. It’s takes energy and courage and balls to fight but it’s oh so very necessary if you don’t want your own dreams and desires to get steamrolled by life.

Going forward I want to truly push my limits of what I think is possible. I want to keep embarking on new projects that make me uncomfortable. Next year I’m going to live my life to its absolute fullest. Next year I will fight and I will most definitely win. Will you?

Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I’ve never been a huge fan of the word ‘try.’ To me, it sets you up to not give it your all. If you try something and it doesn’t pan out, you can just move on and shrug your shoulders – ‘at least I tried,’ you can say. No I stand firmly in the Yoda camp. I believe you should Do. Or do not. There is no try. This year there were plenty of things that I wanted to do that I didn’t get around to. For some of them I simply ran out of time. For others I let my own doubts get in the way of me doing. Really the reason behind most of the things I didn’t do in 2010 was that I didn’t prioritize them high enough. I said they were important to me but then I never followed up or put in the work to make it happen. For example, I declared at the beginning of the year that I would complete a triathlon this year. And I was very serious about it – for about a week. I did all of the ground work – I looked up triathlons in my area, I researched swim caps that would fit all of my hair (seriously, I have a lot of hair), I found training plans that would help get me in tip top shape. But in the end I didn’t prioritize and I didn’t commit to it. And so it never got done. I suppose I could say that I tried to complete a triathlon and leave it at that, but that’s not good enough, is it?

In 2011 I am going to clearly identify the things that are important to me and I am going to put forth a plan to do them. In 2011 I’m going to do a lot less trying and a heck of a lot more doing.

What do you think? Have you simply been trying to get stuff done and not doing? Learn any new nuggets about yourself in the past year? Lay it on me in the comments below!

Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? + Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I have two very close friends. My best friends. I’ve known these girls going on a decade now. And over the years we’ve shared everything – laughs, tears, dresses and lots and lots of meals. But in the past year I’ve noticed our relationship changing. I noticed us becoming much more honest with one another. We had always been there for one another and we had always shared secrets and gossip but lately we’ve really letting our guards down and sharing those things that you usually push deep down inside. Maybe we are just getting older or maybe things are becoming harder to figure out on our own. Whatever it is, I’ve really come to appreciate the new found honesty and openness of our relationship. It has opened my eyes to how important it is to really let it all out. To be really vulnerable in front of someone else. It has opened my eyes to how important their friendship is to me. And has made me appreciate honesty that much more.

What have you come to appreciate this year? Did a friend help you come to this realization?

5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

I got my inspiration for the format of this post from my friend Kiana who did a great word cluster on her favorite party…

I Do Connecting the Dots Unique LA Plant Policy International Pillow Fighting Day Wig Party Karaoke Sushi Roku Tao Miami Vice Cycling Monterey Seafood Chowder Road Trip LA Food Show Kayaking  Old Friends New Friends Conch Bachelorette Bash Waterfall Hikes Decisions  Jump In. Feet First Coaches San Francisco Soup Homecoming White Sand Beaches Love Thai Massage New Laughs Jenga Symone Taboo Champagne  Vibrams Malibu Hugs Kisses Dancing Zanzibar Girls Night Wokcano Sunny Days OWN Inspiration Zengo Reverse Happy Hour Grad School Notebooks Charades Waffle Maker Sunsets Curls PCH Whale Watching ACTION Quinn Game Night Cabernet 5k Red Clover and Tea Insanity Bikram Power The Bar Method 8 pounds Smiles Freckles Clear Blue Water Accomplished AHG Passion Yes! Don’t Stop Believing

Best. Year. Ever.

What do you want to remember most from 2010?

Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

I’ve written a lot about taking action here on the blog. I’m a firm believer that at a certain point you need to stop talking and just get your butt in gear. However there has been one thing in particular that I’ve been doing a lot of talking about and not taking much action on. I first started Polka Dot Coaching to provide a resource to other 20-something women who were going through transitions. I wanted to really reach out to women and inspire them the way I had been inspired by other awesome & powerful women. One of the ways I saw myself doing this was through public speaking. I dreamed of getting up in front of hoards of women and really motivating them – really rallying them to do their most awesome work. I brainstormed all of these incredible speech topics, I created a one sheet to hand out, I made a huge list of all of the organizations I could speak to and then I did nothing. Oh sure, I half-heartedly emailed a few people from my list but I definitely didn’t go after it with the gutso that I made those lists with. In 2011, I’m going to be a speaker. I’m going to lead workshops and really reach out to women. My first step is pulling out that one-sheet and beginning to contact all of the organizations on that list. I’ve already done all the thinking I can do on this topic. Now I just have to act.

What about you? What is your next step for taking your aspirations to the next level?

Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

I’m a runner. I’ve been running for as long as I can remember. I started out as a sprinter and ran track all through elementary and high school. But once I graduated from college there were fewer reasons to run 100m really quickly and so I transitioned to long distance running. And I became somewhat addicted to it. I’ve run 5 & 10ks and have finished a few half marathons. Running is my stress relief. It’s the perfect exercise for someone who is as highly competitive as I am. I feel the most connected and in tune with myself when I’m cruising through my neighborhood on foot. I’m currently training for a marathon and a couple of weeks ago I ran 10 miles – the longest I’ve run at one time in awhile. It was exhilarating to hit my stride. I felt strong and in control – like nothing could stop me. It is a moment that I revisit on those lazy days when I don’t feel like running. And I’m sure I’ll feel that way times 101 when I cross the finish line of my first marathon next year.

When have you felt the most integrated with your body? What makes you feel like a cohesive you?

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I made the decision to go back to school to get my Master’s – probably one in Communication and Organizational Leadership. Two topics that seriously float my boat. The truth is, I love learning in a structured setting. I’m surprised I have stayed away from it for so long. I think I needed the time to really grow into my choices and to allow my ideas to flourish. I feel ready now. And I’m excited and incredibly nervous all at the same time.

It hasn’t fully played itself out yet but I will be sure to let you know how it does.

The prompt for December 11th comes from Sam Davidson:

11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. Doubt – I possess a fair amount of self-doubt that needs to be banished and tied up in a cage somewhere. 2011 will be about truly believing in my talents and abilities so that I can soar – unfettered by doubt and negativity
2. Regret – I need to make decisions and not look back. Just head boldly in the direction of my choices.
3. A day job I dislike – What I’d truly like to eliminate is the need for a day job. I can live with the fact that I may need one for a bit longer. What I can’t live with is going to one I despise. Going to an unhappy place everyday drains me of my creative energy and I desperately need that energy.
4. Clutter – I’ve had an ongoing battle with clutter this entire year. In 2011 I will win this battle. Again, clutter seriously robs me of my creativity and I’m ready to take my energy back. I will also be far more choosy about what I buy and bring into my life.
5. Procrastination – I feel like a small amount of procrastination is ok. What I need to eliminate is the type of procrastination that leaves me stressed and tired and possibly costs me extra time and/or money. That type of procrastination has no place here.
6. Unnecessary obligations – In 2011 I will rid myself of any activities that I don’t really want to do but do anyway because I feel obligated to. If it doesn’t bring me joy I don’t want to do it.
7. Excuses – You know what they say about excuses, right? Those who choose to use them are seldom good for anything else but excuses. I’ll toss those in the same cage with self-doubt and regret.
8. Unhealthy Eating Habits – I feel better when I eat better. I want to commit to eating healthy 80% of the time.
9. Time Wasters – I’m the queen of time wasters. You already heard about my TV habit. Next year I’ll be very aware of how my time is being spent.
10. Anxiety – I’ve been getting increasingly anxious lately. I just need to slow down. Be still. And relax.
11. Hesitation – No more dilly dallying or polling a million people prior to making a decision. I need to trust my gut and just jump in.

Have you made any wise decisions this year? What was the outcome? Also, what are some things you need to nix from your life? Feel free to share down below!

Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Image – my vein-y hands & feet

I am beautifully different because I love to laugh and dance and sing. I take my relationships and my wine seriously, everything else will probably work itself out in the end.

I am beautifully different because of my slender (and slightly vein-y) feet. My feet are strong and have taken me on miles long journeys around the city, along the coast and through mountainous paths.

I am beautifully different because I put people at ease. I am personable and friendly. I can relate to just about anyone and I love to hear about others’ stories and what makes them who they are.

I am beautifully different because I’m observant and quick. I rarely forget details but I might forget your name.

I am beautifully different because I’m a listener. Not someone who says they’re a good listener but then interrupts you when you start talking, but a real listener. One who can listen between the lines.

I am beautifully different because I am creative and innovative. I think of millions of ideas a day and try to capture most in my handy dandy notebook.

I am beautifully different because I have limitless energy. I can go-go-go. I’m also rarely frazzled or stressed. There is nothing you can throw at me that I cannot handle.

I am beautifully different because I’m a connector. I thrive on connecting people with the people or things they need the most.

I am beautifully different because I can easily pinpoint what makes others beautifully different. I can pull that incredible talent out of you and make you aware to all of the special gifts you have.

What makes you beautifully different? I’d love to hear about it!

Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

If you had asked me this question a year ago I would have written about more traditional communities – my sorority, my friends and probably my neighbors. I might have mentioned my running group or perhaps even the women I met through Ladies who Launch. All fantastic communities – all of which I’m still active with. However this year was completely different. This year I actually created my own community. This year I launched Polka Dot Coaching and began creating a vibrant and inspirational community filled with awesome people. The crazy thing is, I’ve never met a lot of the people in my community face-to-face. We’ve corresponded via email, I’ve chatted with them on Twitter or Facebook or they’ve left fantastic comments here on the blog. Although I’ve never met most of my Polka Dot Community in person I still feel such a strong connection to them. I remember the days when making friends on the internet was dangerous. You weren’t supposed to ever meet up with someone you met in a Yahoo chatroom (remember those?) Things have changed for the better and of course you should still be careful but it’s not all that weird to now meet someone you first started talking to on Twitter in real life. I’m fascinated by the role the internet has played to help me build one of the strongest communities I’ve ever belonged to. A community that I am working to strengthen and grow in the upcoming year. I’m also lucky enough to belong to a strong community of entrepreneurs here in Los Angeles who are savvy and supportive and who just inspire me to push my business further. In 2011 I’d like to become more deeply connected to that community since it’s served me so well in 2010.

I remember when I first started out as a personal growth blogger I felt tremendous pressure to break into that already well-developed community. I wanted the established “gurus” to visit my page regularly and chat with me on Twitter. But then I realized that they had already spent the time building up that community. And sure I could join in, but it was also important to me to create my own online community whose values lined up with mine. I’ve learned two things about communities in the past year, particularly online ones:

1. They are usually pretty open to accept new “members” so don’t be shy about trying to join in
2. You can always build your own community. Don’t be afraid to start creating the community that you need to see.
   

So go out and get started on creating YOUR community! What would it look like? What types of people would it consist of? Or become a member of the Polka Dot Coaching community. You can join us on facebook, in Los Angeles, on the newsletter or just quite simply through the blog. We’d be happy to have you!

Image Credit: Grzegorz Łobiński

I’m signed up for Reverb10, which means that for the whole month of December I’ll be receiving a daily email prompting me to Reflect on the past year and Manifest the year to come. Today’s prompt comes from Gretchen Rubin:

Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I was actually going to skip this prompt. In fact, I kinda did. I was all set to just move along to the community post. I just wasn’t very inspired by the ‘Make’ prompt and didn’t feel like talking about the things I literally made – the words on this blog or the soaps & body butters I make. Then I thought about the connections and new friends I had made but didn’t feel inspired to write about that either.

But then it hit me. I know exactly what I’ve made this past year. Mistakes. I’ve made a sh!tload of mistakes. Some were big ones but most of them were little guys. I’ve procrastinated and missed deadlines, I’ve said yes to the wrong opportunities and turned down the right ones. This year was a year filled with mistakes which is part of what made it a success. Sometimes you have to trip and fall down in order to get to the greater goal. Sometimes you have to fail. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just life. The important thing is that I learned from my mistakes – well most of them – and kept moving forward without regret.

As for 2011 I want to make decisions. Firm decisions – with no flip-flopping. Just good, solid decisions. With no regrets.

What was the last thing you made? Have you made any big mistakes this year? Any regrets?

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