My drive wants me to be the best runner or the best photographer and it piles all of these must do’s onto my already large to do list. Perhaps you feel this way also. Maybe you’re always pushing yourself to be the absolute best. And there’s really nothing wrong with that, until of course you begin to take it too far. Ambition gets ugly when you stop having fun – when it makes life tiring and stressful.

You don’t have to be the best at everything you do.

It’s great to be ambitious but it’s also good to just relax. Sometimes it’s ok to be an amateur photographer or to just run for fun. It’s even ok to suck at baking and to never fully grasp Spanish. Sometimes it’s ok to just be. Sometimes you just need to relax.

Have you seen the ugly side of ambition? How do you fight it?

Photo Credit: David Blaikie

Want to know the easiest way to suffocate your dreams? Start comparing yourself to other people. Start measuring yourself up to others who are where you want to be. Begin longing for what they have. Start kicking yourself because they’re bigger, stronger, faster, better than you.

Comparison kills.

It kills our motivation, our hopes & dreams. It annihilates our mojo and shoots our moxie dead. When we continually try to measure up, we constantly fall short. And that’s a sure fire way to get nowhere.

We’re all guilty of it – God knows I am – but the only way to really make a mark in this world is to be uniquely you. Sure, it’s important to have role models and mentors – people who set a good example and who you strive to be like. But you’ll never get anywhere if you are constantly trying to measure up to someone else. Besides we often have no idea what that person did to get to the place they’re at now. Perhaps they were in the very same position as you a month, a year or a decade ago. When we focus on someone else’s success we lose focus on our own journey.

And that puts us on the fast track for getting lost.

*************************************************************************************

Enjoy this post? There’s more where that came from – Sign up for the newsletter or join the Facebook Fan Page!

In So Cal? Then join our brand, spanking new Meet-up group: The Polka Dot Connection. Being a 20-something in LA is hard. Add a quarter life crisis to the mix and you’re likely to be on the edge. The Polka Dot Connection is here to help by providing a way for 20-something women to connect, learn and grow so you can kick that quarter life crisis to the curb. Check us out!

A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. -Bo Bennett

Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, getting rejected sucks. No one likes to see their brilliant idea shot down or their proposal rejected or to just be flat out told ‘No.’ It blows. But there is also a lot to be learned from disappointment. And the sooner you’re able to pick yourself up after a set-back, the sooner you’ll be on your way to chasing down a new opportunity. Here are a few tips on dealing with disappointment.

1. Pout - You’ve just experienced some sort of set-back and it stinks. Take the time to wallow in self-pity a bit. Vent to your trusted friends, whine a bit about how unfair it is, get all of those “why me” feelings out of your system. But for just ONE day. You’re allowed to sulk and pout for one day (at most), after that move on.
2. Reflect - Once your day o’ pity is over, start thinking about why you were rejected. Look at it from the rejector’s point of view. What could you have done to make your proposal/idea/interview better? Learn from your missteps and correct them for the future
3. Look For New Opportunities - We all know the saying that when one door shuts, another window opens. Look for your window. Where’s your next opportunity. Is your open window not visible? What do you need to do to pry it open?
4. Don’t Take it To Heart - We’ll all face disappointment sometime in our lives. Don’t let it get to you by taking it personally. Once you reflect on the situation and put it all in perspective you’ll probably realize that the rejection will help you in some way or form.

Getting rejected is never fun, but it happens to the best of us. In fact, being able to properly deal with disappointment is what will help you be the best. Overall remember to maintain a positive attitude and never let a tiny little set-back take you off course from your goals.

How do you bounce back from rejection?

Until Next Time,

Nailah

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

I was supposed to run 6 miles today. I ran 2 and a half. There were a number of variables working against me: It was hot as hell today, I had been feeling a bit under the weather and I hadn’t run since last Wednesday. Despite all of this, I pushed myself to run 6 miles instead of easing back into my running routine. This was a colossal fail on my part. I had to cut the run short and by the time I got back home I felt terrible. Physically I was dehydrated and over-heated. Mentally I felt defeated and discouraged.

I’m sure you can relate: I had set an unrealistic goal for myself and when I failed to achieve it, I was left feeling worthless. As 20-somethings we often push ourselves to set a lofty and ambitious goal – which is great – but we are unrealistic as to how we can accomplish these goals – not so great. Either we set a timeline that is far too aggressive or we are not prepared actually achieve the goal. Perhaps we lack education or experience or basic know-how. A lot of the time we simply lack patience. It’s easy to say that you want to own a home in the next 6 months, but if you don’t take the time to properly research your decision, you could be left feeling discouraged when it doesn’t pan out. Worse, you could be stuck with a payment you can’t afford because you didn’t prepare for meeting your goal. Don’t get me wrong, we should all be setting ambitious goals for ourselves. It helps to push us to our limits and allows us to accomplish things we never thought possible. But it is absolutely crucial to prepare ourselves sufficiently for what we are about to undertake. More importantly we need to be patient and realistic with our timelines.

So instead of feeling discouraged by my failed run this afternoon, I’m going to evaluate what went wrong and correct it so I can have a successful run tomorrow.

Until Next Time,

Nailah

As kids of the 80’s we’re all familiar with the anti-drug campaign “Just Say No!” And it’s so simple right – if it’s something you don’t want or better yet is harmful for you, you should simply say No. But in reality how many of us end up doing things that we’d rather not be doing because we just have a hard time saying no. I cannot tell you the countless committees I’ve signed up for, lunches I’ve attended and money I’ve spent because I agreed to something against my better judgment. Why do we do this to ourselves? We are just piling on extra work  or spending extra money which in the end just brings extra stress. And when we are driven to do something simply because we believe that we should, it often breeds resentment. Think about it: Are you more likely to accomplish a goal when you truly want to or when you are doing it for someone else? It’s much easier to feel content and productive when you have internal inspiration driving you. No one likes doing something just because they think they should. The next time you are faced with accepting or declining an offer, think through these 3 questions:

1. Is this something I want to do – This is pretty simple. If you ask yourself if you truly want to do something and all you hear back is a resounding ‘NO!’ then you have your answer
2. Is this something I have the ability to do – Sometimes we may want to do something but financial or time constraints may be holding us back.  If doing something for someone else will break the bank or add unwanted stress to your life, don’t do it.
3. What is the outcome if I perform the request -  Will you feel annoyed with yourself for allowing yourself to be talked into something once again? Then you may have to politely decline.

Take “I should” or “I have to” out of your vocabulary and replace it with “I want to.” Don’t feel guilty for being selfish with your time and energy. You need to spend your time and energy doing the things that you want. You are fully within your right to just say No.

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Wherever you are right now is exactly where you should be.

My yoga instructor is a little kooky. Once he literally mistook his reflection in the mirror for a new student in the back of the class. Nevertheless, every so often he’ll say something so simple that it’s actually quite profound. His latest gem came a couple of weeks ago as we all struggled with a new yoga pose – one of those real bendy, twisty balancing poses that we all know and love. As we grunted and contorted our faces with discomfort he said “Don’t worry about what you can’t do. Wherever you are right now is exactly where you should be.” I was blown away.

I’ve always been a competitive person and practicing yoga has helped me to bring this quality to light so that I can address it. After my first yoga class, I went home bragging to my fiance that I was among the most flexible people in the class. I had held the poses the longest and I could touch the floor when everyone else struggled to touch their shins. Comparing myself to everyone else in the class did nothing to bring me closer to quieting my mind or becoming one with my breath, it just ensured that I was slightly better than the person next to me.

I was being a competitive jerk.

I had somehow turned yoga into some crazy competition which is so not the point of yoga. It’s not the point of life either. As 20-somethings, we’re taught to be uber competitive with ourselves and each other. We push ourselves to stack up to our peers in terms of jobs, cars, homes, clothes and wedding rings. This fierce competitiveness often breeds discontent and self doubt, particularly when we do not believe we are measuring up to the others in our peer group. It’s one of the biggest factors of the quarter life crisis. We set out to keep up with the Joneses and set expectations that are not in line with where we are and where we are going.We’re only hurting ourselves by constantly comparing ourselves to the person next to us. Our feelings of self worth cannot be aligned with someone else’s expectations. We focus so much of our energy externally. Instead we should recognize that where we are at right now is precisely where we should be.

How about you? Have you found yourself competing with others? How has this affected your life?

Nailah

Oh, and I am happy to say that I have been able to focus on myself during yoga rather than others in the class and I have never felt more at peace.