Today’s post comes from Jessie May Kezele, a Certified Professional CoActive Coach who is dedicated to helping single women in their 20′s and 30′s create irresistible lives so they attract the partner they long for. She’s launching an exciting program called The Savvy Single Woman’s Relationship Boot Camp in July which will be filled with incredible tools to help you create a fulfilling relationship.
Are you a single woman who is longing to find the love of your life? Are you feeling hopeless and discouraged as you watch one girlfriend after another walk down the aisle? Well Sister, I’m here to present have a few tricks that will help you move closer to finding the relationship you long for. Drum roll please…
1. Release all resentment for and attachment to your past relationships.
A new relationship will not blossom in soil that is toxic with anger. Nor will it blossom in an environment where you are still longing for what was. If you are full of resentment or secretly longing for your past love to come back into your life, it’s like wearing a big red sign on your forehead that says “unavailable.” No one wants to enter a relationship with someone who is not ready to be fully present and engaged in that relationship. If you are not sure whether this applies to you, then try thinking about your past partner(s) and notice the feelings that come up. If you discover any emotion besides genuine peacefulness, then you need to do some work to let go of your past relationships:
- Burn, rip up, or throw away all tokens from a past love. Do this as a ceremony to represent letting go of the past and to signify your readiness to move forward.
- Write a letter or call your past love and forgive them for anything they did that hurt you. Let them know that you are releasing them to live their life as they please. Remember that forgiveness is more for your well-being than for theirs. (You don’t have to send the letter, but write it!)
2. Release all negative beliefs that stereotype men.
Sure, you may have had experiences in your past that have led you to build up negative beliefs about men, but these beliefs are not facts, and they are only harming your potential to find the partner you want. We draw what we think about into our life, so stop thinking that all men are disloyal, dirty, unemotional, pigs. I can tell you from first hand experience that they are not. Here are a couple ideas for how to release negative beliefs that stereotype men:
- Find a positive relationship that disproves your stereotype about men and keep tabs on it. This could be a celebrity relationship, the relationship of a friend or family member, or if you’re having trouble finding one, give me a call and I’ll tell you all about mine!
- Become conscious of your negative beliefs about men. Notice when you are thinking a negative thought and replace it with a positive thought about the type of man that you actually want. Take a moment after you finish reading this article, to write down the positive qualities you want in your partner so that next time when a negative thought rolls in you are prepared.
- Put on your gratitude glasses. These are invisible glasses that you can choose to wear that allow you to see the good all around you. They will increase your ability to notice the great qualities, however small, in the men you encounter throughout your day. Gratitude is a relationship magnet. When we exert gratitude, it completely changes the vibe we put out to the world, making people (and our future love) attracted to us.
3. Release lofty ideals and open your heart.
First let’s get clear. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a partner who you are 100% happy with. I believe you have the right to an amazing fulfilling relationship that completely meets your needs. But let’s get real here, how important is 6”3’, blue eyes, or a specific type of career? What amazing men could you be missing out on because you are stuck on having some superficial “need” met?
- Make a list of every single quality you are looking for in a partner, including the superficial ones. Then go back over your list and categorize each item into one of three groups:
- Absolutely Essential
- Not Essential But Preferred
- Not Essential
- Challenge yourself to go on a date with someone you would typically rule out because of “Non Essential” ideals. Pay attention to how you feel in their presence. Be present, open, and act from your heart. If you notice you just can’t get over your ideal, maybe you need to transfer it to the “Essential” category.
I hope you will be able to use some of these strategies to attract the love you want into your life. Remember, declaring that you want to find the love of your life is simply not enough, your actions and thoughts must align with your goal. The three strategies above are designed to help you achieve that.
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Jessie May is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, specializing in helping single women find and create the relationship of their dreams. She does this by teaching single ladies how to create insanely fulfilling lives that are absolutely magnetic to the partner they long for. Jessie May is happily married and lives in Boulder, CO with her husband, Robert, and Chihuahua, Junebug. Head to Jessie May’s website to schedule a private “Find Your Soulmate” coaching session, or register for The Savvy Single Woman’s Relationship Bootcamp You can also follow her on Twitter and find her on Facebook.
