On a mini road trip down to San Diego, I asked my husband the question: “what did you want to be when you grew up?” His response was quick and uncomplicated – like most things with my husband are – a fighter pilot. When he was a little boy he dreamed of flying fighter jets. His favorite moves were Top Gun and Iron Eagle and he built model upon model of tiny fighter jets. When he grew older, he even went to the Navy recruiting station to get more information on what it would take to reach his dream. And then things changed. First, the country got embroiled in two seemingly endless conflicts and second, I came around. After things with me and my husband began to get more serious, he decided that enlisting in the Navy wasn’t on the top of his list anymore. His priorities shifted and he left his fighter pilot dream behind him as we started our new life together.
Image Credit: Ms. Mary Mack
The thing that struck me most about this conversation was that there was no regret in his voice. He didn’t speak of becoming a fighter pilot longingly or talk in ‘what if’s.’ He is perfectly fine with the way things turned out. Things changed and his dream wasn’t viable anymore so he moved on. I was astonished because I’m quite the opposite sometimes. I still run through scenarios in my head of how things could have been different if I had done x instead of y. In fact, as a life coach, one of the questions I often ask my clients when we’re exploring passions is about any unresolved dreams they may have had as a child and how we can begin incorporating aspects of those dreams into their current lives. I still think this is an important and powerful question but the discussion with my husband made me realize that sometimes unresolved dreams are unresolved for a reason.
Dreams should propel us forward, not keep us living in the past.
Sometimes things change and you have to move on. And while the dream remains unresolved, that shouldn’t make it this dirty little secret that fills you with guilt and regret. It’s important to recognize the dreams you had as a youngster and acknowledge them. However it’s equally important to identify the ones that still have some legs versus the ones that were fun to dream of at the time but are now no longer viable. Some dreams need to be put to bed in order for us to move forward with the life we need to be living.
What do you think? What “unresolved dreams” exist in your life? Which ones have you moved on from? Which ones are you still pursuing?
